August 3, 2012

Here

I remember the straight rows of desks lined side by side in the classroom.  I usually sat towards the back of the room unless the teacher had given us assigned seats.  The teacher was always in the front with the chalkboard at her back. I was so shy that I didn't like being in school.  I didn't even like roll call.  The teacher would run down the list of names and as she worked her way through the alphabet, I knew when my name would be called.

 "Stephani?"  

I'd all but whisper, "Here."  



Often times my voice was so low she would have to repeat the question.  When shyness reaches beyond quiet  into a world of paralyzing fear, even roll call makes you feel like the whole world is looking at you.  And what would they be thinking?  My objective was to go unnoticed.  Don't do anything to draw attention to yourself.  That was my mission statement. Having the attention of others was crippling to me.

As a child in school, and even as teenager and young adult, I said, "Here." to be counted present, but I didn't really want anyone to know I was present. I just wanted to be left alone. I could breathe easy that way.  No panic. No fear of the unknown. No feeling like I'm not equipped.  And I wonder, as  I think about being "here" or being present and accounted for in my walk with Christ, if I ever live as though I just want to be counted as present, but not get involved.  I mean, am I a Christian, who wants to mind her own business, or am I a follower of Christ who wants to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a hurting world?  If I don't show up, will they notice Jesus?   

I'm not shy anymore.  I'm not fearful.  But I wonder if  I'm present. Am I out of my comfort zone? Am I drawing attention to Jesus?  I pray I am.

The beautiful part about this journey with Jesus is that when I am obedient to God's will, when I act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with him, I won't be noticed at all.  The gaze of the hurting will look right through me and into the loving eyes of Jesus.  I'm so glad God uses us to draw attention to himself. Yes, I pray I'm present for that!

Today I'm sharing with 5 Minute Friday where we are given a prompt and we write for 5 minutes without worrying about making it perfect.  Today's prompt is HERE.

 (P.S. This week I took more like 7 minutes.  I just can't stop in the middle of a thought!)

4 comments:

  1. What an awesome tie in! I was shy, not paralyzingly so, but shy none the less. And I too remember being afraid of having my name called on the list. I longed for people to notice me an to be popular but at the same time I feared recognition. I absolutely love everything that you said about Christ. Being His hands and His feet and allowing Him to do the work within us. Well put. May we all be HERE as His hands and His feet.

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  2. Just think how you are touching people through your blog! Love the post.

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  3. I love this!! Beautiful words!! And what a sweet picture! Thanks for sharing!!
    (it's Destiny from over at instagram!! ;) )

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