August 31, 2012

Blessed

I need to try to put into words how incredibly blessed I am.  I'm blessed to be able to live so near my father and to have such a special relationship with him.  I get to know him in a way I didn't know him before and in a way that others never will.   I believe Alzheimer's exposes a person's soul.  I think Dad has become even more like himself in a way because he has let his guard down and doesn't know not to.

He shows love unabashedly.  He is kind and compassionate.  He is a peacemaker.  He is pure of heart.  Words that have always described him, but now in a childlike way.

We hold hands and talk, something we never did before even though we were close.  I've always felt that Dad and I had an unspoken connection, like we understood each other.  That connection is even stronger now.


When I get weary of driving the 30 minute drive from work or home to see him, or long for an easier path, I stop and remind myself of what a privilege it is to spend time with him, and learn from him, and comfort him, and understand HIM when I don't understand his words.  What a joy it is to be his delight in a present moment that will be fleeting, but even though they are fleeting moments and he will forget, he is content in those moments we share.

It's been a challenge and a wonder to learn his language.  I love the fact that I can have a conversation with him, understanding very few of his words but still understanding completely.  That is gift from God.

Yes, a blessing.  He's always been a blessing.  Would I take away his Alzheimer's if I could.  Yes and no.  I hate that he has to live this life, but this is where God has us, and I would never want to be anywhere except in the middle of God's will and way.  Dad has devoted his life to God and continues to be held right in the center of his palm.  God has him right where he is for a specific reason, and I am so blessed to be a part of it.

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