I don't know why, but it came over me in a flood this morning. Dad has lived in memory support for almost 9 months. I have cried on occasion, but rarely, and not for the reasons I cry today. I miss my dad. My friend Yuka, who lives in Japan, said today that she misses Dad, and when I heard those words it opened a floodgate in my own soul. Something was laid bare. I couldn't keep it contained anymore. I just miss my dad.
The Lord has been faithful to show me the light in the middle of this valley. I have learned things about my dad and experienced some pure God moments that I would never have experienced otherwise, but today, I just want my dad. I want who he was. He was the patriarch of our family, not just our immediate family, but the whole clan. He was the man that everyone went to when they needed the right answer, the true answer. He took care of everybody and loved everybody relative or not. He was dignified, honored and respected by many. A day doesn't pass that someone doesn't tell me what a great man he was. He is still that same man, but in a very different way. I can't depend on Dad anymore. He depends on me. I can't call him and say, "Dad what should I do?" I can't call him and say, "Dad, what does this scripture mean?" I can't call him and say, "What is God trying to teach me?"
But as I write this, God is faithful to remind me that I still have the thing that has always been the most valuable to me, and that is Dad's unconditional love and support. My dad humbles me low with his words of praise and love every time I see him. I just say, "I'm proud of you too Dad."
I am a wretch, saved by grace. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in me that should warrant any one's unconditional love and support, but Dad has been the perfect picture of the perfect heavenly Father. I have been so blessed to have been raised by such a man. God's friend.
I miss you Dad. I love you and am so very proud of you.