Today I'm thinking about endurance because that's what this is in part, an endurance race.
It has been about 9 months now that Dad has lived in memory care. He still thinks it's temporary and daily talks about getting out of there. We don't always know what Dad is talking about when he speaks to us, but we can clearly understand when he talks about leaving. He has started pointing to the emergency exit door frequently telling me he wants to go through that door, but they won't let him. The door is right next to his room. There really is nothing keeping him from pushing it open and going out since it is an emergency exit. Alarms would sound, I'm sure, but he doesn't push it because he knows it's against the rules. He's not a rule breaker ; )
I haven't been handling this whole situation so gracefully lately. I think I'm at the point where I realize I am totally being upheld by God. There is no other answer for my ability to keep going. For the last few weeks I've pulled away from the situation as much as I can without completely pulling away. One can never completely rest from a situation like this. Even when I care for their needs twice a week rather than four times a week, I am on call 24 hours a day. Twice a week isn't enough to care for the needs that each of my parents have. It is time enough to take care of "business" but not time enough to attend to their emotional and spiritual needs so this week I must return to a more rigorous schedule, but in the most exhausting of moments I know God will be faithful to show me the blessings. He always does.
What does one do when they see no end in sight and when the end would be as painful as the journey? A day at a time with my Lord; a day at a time with my Lord. Daily he meets my needs. Daily he blesses me with glimmers of goodness and showers of safety. He is a good God. He is my God, and we walk this stony road together.
Father, more than anything I pray that you will give both Mom and Dad peace of Mind. Give them the "sleeping in the bottom of the boat" kind of faith. Penetrate the confusion. Penetrate the worry. Penetrate the uncertainty of their today's by reminding them of the certainty of your tomorrow. In Jesus name.