I don't even bother to write the check each month, it is just automatically deducted from my checking account. It's quite impersonal, but I'm giving aren't I? Each month as I balance the check book, thoughts bounce around concerning this gift I give. Is it reeeaaallly going where they say it is going? Is that sweet little girl with the big brown eyes that I see in the photo on my fridge, really benefiting? Does she know where her help comes from?
I've decided in my own mind, as I frivolously throw up prayers to God, that I am going to contact Nazarene Compassionate Ministries Child Sponsorship program and tell them to stop deducting the money. Can't my money be spent better elsewhere? The big brown eyes are only a photo, a photo of a needy child in Pakistan who I'm sure needs the money, but how can I know, how can I know this whole system can be trusted? My money is just a drop in the bucket that is doled out to thousands of nameless, faceless people. I'll give it to a ministry that I can see, and touch, and most importantly that benefits me. How selfish.
I pray, but even though I don't have that sense of oughtness from God that I should indeed stop the payments, I have decided it in my own mind. But, the prayers of a righteous little girl availeth much. Week, after week, for unseen reasons, I never make the call and the money keeps coming out of my account.
Then one day it arrives. In the midst of my procrastination, and more likely in the midst of God's intervention, a letter arrives from the sweet, brown-eyed girl. I open the letter and in my hands, I held something sacred. The breath was whisked right out of me. I read through blurry eyes about a Christian family in Pakistan suffering for the name of Christ. I read about a little girl who loves Jesus in a world where such a love could end her life. I read about her school, and the money, and I hear her ask me to keep sending it.
I was humbled low in just a matter of minutes as God answered her prayers from on high by cutting through to my core about where that money was reeeaaallly going. I have a new picture on my fridge now, this lovely drawing by that sweet, brown eyed girl who knows that her help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
"I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.
~ Psalm 121:1-2 ~