June 8, 2012

Blessing in Barreness

One would think that a childless, not getting any younger, momma wannabe would be long past hoping that maybe, just maybe she isn't barren.  But it seems as long as the possibility exists, slight hope lingers.  The sadness dwindles in time and on occasion I think I'm out of my mind to want to tackle motherhood at this age,  but each month when I get a not so gentle reminder that I am not a mother, the expectation of what I thought I would be when I grew up lays heavy on my heart.

I have prayed often about my barrenness, but always praying for God's will.  I want what he wants above anything.  One day last week I was talking to God about it when I opened my new devotional book and read this title, "Blessing for the Barren."  God's timing is always perfect.  It was about Hannah's barrenness, not only that, but the barrenness that all people face when their expectations go unmet, whatever those expectations may be.

God spoke to me that morning and reminded me that there would be blessing out of my barrenness.  In fact, he reminded me that we had already been through this before; I even wrote about it in this post titled, Why?  He was faithful to show me the blessings then and he will remain faithful.  What the blessings will continue to be, I don't fully know, but knowing that God sees me and will allow my barrenness to be a blessing is enough for me.  I suppose the only thing that could be better than knowing there is blessing out of this barrenness, is to know that there is blessing because of this barrenness.  I know that already, and God never seems to grow weary of this struggle I have.  He knows the desires of my heart, and the desire to be his surpasses them all.

I wonder what else God has planned through this barrenness and who will be affected.  I wait with expectation.

(Stop - my time is up!)

Don't skip the photo below . . .

{Today I am joining Five Minute Fridays where we are given a writing prompt and then asked to write for five minutes.  Today's prompt is EXPECTATION.  I confess that I did set my timer for 5 minutes but I kept getting interrupted and had to stop and restart several times I have no idea how long this post took to write.  I suspect more like 8 minutes today.}

Now for a little added bonus; this photo was taken in 1977 of me holding a baby for this first time.  I am 10 years old and this is my nephew.  That sweet baby boy has grown up to be a Lieutenant Commander in the United States Navy and is a veteran of war.  I have since been blessed with 10 more nieces and nephews.

No need for vintage effects here.  This IS vintage!  (What you can't see in this particular photo is that I am wearing bell bottoms and purple socks!)


Please visit The Gypsy Mama to read what others are saying about EXPECTATION.

5 comments:

  1. I thought I would be barren and I wasn't. It is a different twist on unfulfilled expectations. Sometimes I struggle horribly with being a mother because it is not what I necessarily "wanted". (don't get me wrong - most days I praise the Lord for the unexpected blessing!) I had the heart to adopt because I had been told from age 13 that I was infertile. That hasn't happened yet because our own children have intervened, and I have to deal with the loss of that dream as well. Thank you for framing this in a way that those of us with other unmet expectations can come alongside you in this.

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  2. What a sweet post. Our DIL found out at a very early age that she would be unable to conceive and our son knew this when they married. They still tried and sought medical intervention up to a point and then knew that it was God's will for them to adopt. And, they have never looked back. Our little Hanna Beth is so precious and has filled their lives and our lives with so much joy and for them, it was the right thing. Has it taken away our DIL's desire to carry a child, no it hasn't. She doesn't dwell on it but if, by some miracle, it happened, she would be absolutely overjoyed. And, she knows that God is capable of such, but she also knows that it likely isn't ever going to happen. I don't know if adoption has ever been an option for you but if so, our adoption story is truly one of God's divine guidance.

    Blessings to you as you go forth and bless the lives of those around you. Happy weekend!

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  3. Oh Stephani, my heart is heavy with your sadness of being barren. Who knows the answers as to "why" all we can do is trust that the Lord has other plans for us. Thank you for being so honest in your writings. Blessings to you.

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  4. Stephani, maybe you will find comfort in a passage from Isaiah 54 in the New Living Bible:
    Future Glory for Jerusalem

    54 “Sing, O childless woman,
    you who have never given birth!
    Break into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem,
    you who have never been in labor.
    For the desolate woman now has more children
    than the woman who lives with her husband,”
    says the Lord.
    2 “Enlarge your house; build an addition.
    Spread out your home, and spare no expense!
    3 For you will soon be bursting at the seams.
    Your descendants will occupy other nations
    and resettle the ruined cities.
    4 “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
    Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.
    You will no longer remember the shame of your youth
    and the sorrows of widowhood.
    5 For your Creator will be your husband;
    the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
    He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,
    the God of all the earth.
    6 For the Lord has called you back from your grief—
    as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,”
    says your God.
    7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with great compassion I will take you back.
    8 In a burst of anger I turned my face away for a little while.
    But with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord, your Redeemer.
    God gave me this passage when I was in my 40's and He started sending me teens to nurture- 39 over 35 years- and now I have the joy of being adopted Granny to some of their babies.
    May he deal as bountifully to YOU as He did to me.
    I KNOW he hears the CRY OF YOUR HEART, and has a mighty purpose to fulfil through your life.
    Not easy!!!! Love, and prayers for blessing:

    Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say. 2 Thessalonians 2;16-17

    The amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with all of you. (2 Cor. 13:14, MSG

    Mary, New Zealand.

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  5. Hi Stephani - Taking a few moments to catch up on your blog a bit and I must say this touched me for your heart. Even though I rejoice in my blessings of children, 12 years of barrenness doesn't ever truly go away. And especially now with every photo I share, pin that I pin onto Pinterest, and email that speaks of this new baby we're expecting, I am prayerful for you. I remember too well how I was genuinely happy for my friends as they would talk about their pregnancies, but it came at the price of the reminder of my own situation. So hard. I just wanted you to know that I'm mindful of you a lot. Your faith is a testimony to God's goodness and your trust that he will bring about blessing because of, not in spite of, is chock-full of glory to the LORD.
    Much Love, Tami

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