This is my planner. Do you recognize it? I posted a picture of it about a month ago as part of my 10 on 10 post. I write everything in here, and keep some of my important papers that I always need with me. You know, like my parents medicine list. : ) My planner is more like a giant to do list with pockets. It keeps me on track because I have a tendency to day dream and wander off. : )
This week however, the Lord has shown me that my life can't be ruled by a planner. There are just some things that can't be penciled in.
For example. I didn't know on Monday morning that I would get an emergency phone call telling me that my dad had passed out and had been taken to the emergency room. I didn't have it penciled in on my calendar that I would have to leave work and spend several hours at the hospital. I also didn't have it scheduled in my planner that on Tuesday morning my Dad's doctor would call me at work and tell me that he was concerned about the cognitive decline caused by his Alzheimer's, and we would need to transfer him to a higher level of care, at least for a few weeks, to assess exactly what his capabilities are. I also failed to plan for the overwhelming depression that would hit me in the morning hours of Wednesday. I had not anticipated that I would have a meltdown and need to go into work late.
I am amazed at the awesomeness of God's grace. I found myself focusing on all that I was carrying on my shoulders with work and family responsibilities, and I actually said to God, "I can't do this." In a way that only the Holy Spirit can, he whispered, "Whose daughter are you?" That was all I needed, a humble reminder that the resources of heaven were at my disposal. Immediately my prayers turned to strength instead of pity, and courage instead of fear.
I've re-learned some valuable lessons this week. I need to keep my mind on whose daughter I am, and I must remember to leave room for God to work in my life. I have to be willing to bend with the schedule that God places before me or I will break.
Please pray for Dad and Mom this week if you should think about it. This is a very difficult time for them.